You.

Breakups hit me hard.

After my first relationship, when I was in my early thirties, I went to the sea.

Pacifica, California, about 15 miles and a universe away from San Francisco, had a little cove beside the hotel I was staying in. There was a steep sand trail up and down to the more expensive Pacifica Beach on the other side. Curious and weary,

I climbed the steep trail in the afternoon. And then on the edge of the long coastline, I cried, "Why?" into the ocean. I stood on beach there weeping. The pain flooded me, and I thought it was my destiny to just live with it.

But then the ocean answered back. But not how I had expected to.

I was startled by a giant wave that crashed right in front of me. It came from out of nowhere, soaking my clothing in a sudden swell. I was so surprised that I started laughing (as only one can when at the beach being soaked by a sudden wave).

God, whom I now sometimes call You, hand answered. "Get out of your head!!!! Enjoy right now!!!"

God was teasing me!

So I smiled, looked back at the blue ocean and the yellow coast, and walked a little down the beach.

I still hurt, but there was a happiness that was with me now.

On the climb up the steep hill back to my hotel and my little cove, I found a painted rock. It had a sunflower on it and said something like, Life is Good. I picked it up from its nest within the sea succulents and turned it over in my hand. Its glossy enamel caught the afternoon sunlight. I put it back down for other pilgrims seeking solace to see.

And then I went home to my hotel. On the way, there was a whale wandering in the sea at the long edge of the cove. You could see it cresting sometimes, and a school-aged boy was talking to his mom. He had named it Humphrey. Even if it wasn't a humpback whale, I thought it was a cute name. I smiled at the relationship, mother and son, cute and loving.

My encounter with You was something I later described as something like Surprised by Joy. It was, and is, a peak moment that I return to when I'm sad or overwhelmed by the beauty of the world. Sometimes even the beauty of the moment!

Years after my startle into beauty, I stumbled onto to a book by C.S. Lewis. I was astonished, because it had the same name: Surprised by Joy! The pastor of one of my friends even referred to it by name in one of his sermons.

I think I was meant to be in the pews that day.